Email to My Father, January 31, 2004

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Hi Dad. 

Thought I’d send you an email updating you on my life in this neck of the woods. I returned to school this month with a full courseload (4 classes). I finished last semester with an A and 2 B’s so I thought I would take on an additional class. We’ll have to see how this all works. So far, so good. 

Kevin has reopened the garage and is contemplating not continuing for Bob White as the garage requires a great amount of time. We sent out 4000 “grand re-opening” postcards to abutting towns, 5 DOT road signs have been erected for Logan’s, an ad has been placed in the new Verizon phone book and we have advertising in the KJ that should be happening soon. So, we’re hoping to kick start the garage once more. 

Jenna has requested to come home to Readfield. YAY!!!! Unfortunately, the Guardian ad Litem, and DHS, seem to be scrutinizing her motives and intentions. Consequently, they are going to put their 2-cents in about when she will return. Go figure!! All they have wanted is to “reunify” us and now that Jenna wants it, they want to stall it!! That’s Maine government for you, at it’s finest!! It should be all done by summer. She’s going to be spending weekends, holidays and vacations with us from this point forward but she will be finishing the semester at Erskine regardless of where she lives. We’re considering homeschooling for next year. That’ll be interesting. 

Dad, you and I need to talk. 

I have been incredibly frustrated, angry and discouraged about my relationship with you for the past several months. I need you to know that I absolutely appreciate everything you have done for me and Jenna over the years but it is now time to change the dynamics of our relationship. Because I now have someone in my life who provides me with everything I need, and your financial contribution is no longer necessary, I want to re-distinguish yours and my relationship based on the current situation. I don’t know what your motives, or intentions, have been throughout my life, but from my perspective, your way of showing me that you love me was by giving to me materially, or financially. Because that is no longer needed, I would like you to re-evaluate your role in my life. You are my father. You have ALWAYS done everything you can to help me with WHATEVER I needed help with, but your emotional involvement/investment has been minimal, or hidden from me. I want an emotional relationship with you now – not one based on money, or your ability to give to me materially. But this type of involvement requires spending quality time together, talking, playing, laughing and sometimes crying. I need, and very much want, to connect with you. I really don’t know you, Dad. I don’t know what your life was like growing up, nor do I know what you stand for as an adult. These are things you and I hardly ever talk about. I don’t like not knowing you. When I think about your childhood, I come up blank – I haven’t been given this information and I am sad because of it. 

I need to know who you are, Dad. I need to know about your hopes, dreams, struggles, aspirations, and values. Additionally, I know next to nothing about our family, especially Gram and Gramp. I want to know this stuff. I want to know what makes the Turcotte family what it is. I am proud to be a Turcotte, and I will never NOT be a Turcotte, but my knowledge about the Turcotte family is so limited that I feel lost. I want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to know what makes the Turcotte name a good one. Can you help me with this? Will you help me with this? 

Dad, you know what it takes to be a good parent, and one of those things is an emotional investment. I don’t know why you don’t do things with me… Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and you don’t know what activities to do with me. The few times we have “played” together have stayed with me and given me a reason to smile. I especially remember the time when you, Jenna and I went to Gifford’s in Waterville to play mini-golf. You and I hit some balls in the batting cages, we played mini-golf and we got ice cream. Then on the way home, you and Jenna played our “red tree” game – counting the red maples. I have very few nice memories like that with you. I would like to build my database with more. You know I like a lot of “masculine” activities – racing, monster trucks, mechanics, etc… I just wish you would make some time in your schedule to do more with me. 

Additionally, the anger that you display toward me, and/or Jenna, does nothing helpful nor constructive for our relationship. To the contrary, it only pushes me away. I hope you will look at that trait, its origin and determine what role it will play in future contacts with me and Jenna. Anger is only destructive and I have no room for it in my life, although I display quite enough of my own. As I’m sure you know, I am working very hard at ridding my soul, and my life, of the anger I feel toward other people but to be met with anger from someone else only validates mine, and then it starts – a never-ending rollercoaster of angry feelings that do nothing productive for anyone. 

So, Dad, that’s my thought for the day. I love you, Dad, and I miss you. I want to know you, and where you’ve been and how you’ve gotten to where you are now. Without this information, I have a very blurry, distorted view of you and the Turcotte family. 

This email will be my contact for now. I am going to leave the ball in your court – if you want to do something with me I need YOU to call ME and we will make a date. I only hope you don’t let too much time elapse before you call. 

Ta-ta for now. 

Love, 

 

Gina

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